My life is busier and circumstances are better than ever before.

I am grateful, grateful, grateful.
For much, much, much.

Today was a beautiful day.




Still, the sorrow persists.

So much for returning in October. I'd like to say I'll become a regular deviant again, but I can't guarantee it. Maybe, maybe not. I'm just not happy with my "art" anymore (what little I produce). For now, I'll submit a few things and give a little update.

In My Life:
-Finished my first year of college. Both easier and harder than expected.
-Rented our first home. Which is messy and small and grassy and beautiful.
-Made several incredible friends through the internet. Whom I love dearly.
-Spent ludicrous amounts of money saving my dog from pneumonia. Worth every penny.
-Started a little garden. Which will hopefully become an enormous jungle.

And Soon:
-Applying for a job at the grocery store by my house. I am terrified.
-Getting my driver's license. Because there is no adequate public transportation.
-Going to the doctors and dentist. Once we can afford it, and I get over my fears.

Tell me how your Life is treating you?

.

Yes, here I am, back from near extinction. A chocolate chip to anyone who remembers me (unless you're allergic, of course)!

I have over 7000 deviations and 500 messages to sort through. Joy. Truthfully I debated swiping my whole account, or at least deleting all of my deviations. I get paranoid moments where I imagine all the thieves out there who might steal my work and claim it as their own. But what can I do? I mean, it's not like my stuff is at a professional level, so who would steal it besides teeny boppers?

I will only attempt a thorough update in the unlikely event that someone begs. However, I will mention a few key points:

-I got married on our 3 year anniversary.
-I started college (and I'm LOVING IT).
-I have yet to get health insurance or deal with my mental and physical issues.
-I still can't drive.

My, my. I don't even remember dA's emoticons. I feel like I'm starting all over. I had to completely wipe my computer this summer because of a persistent trojan. I am deeply saddened by this. So now I only have my photos and most of my writing on cd-roms, and I am notorious for ruining those. I really need a portable hard drive.

I have been writing in a journal again, and on xanga. Those are my creative outlets. I am learning an elvish alphabet, as well as Spanish. I love languages.

Anyway. Enough blabbering. I hope you are well, any and all who read this. I will be reviewing everything on here, from clubs I was in to favorites I selected, sifting through and starting anew. I just hope I have time.

Take care.

-


I have been gone for a long while... I'm sorry, especially to a specific few of you whom I consider my good dA friends:

Tara , Silena , and DH


I really am sorry! Things are crazily overwhelming now. I am hardly ever online anymore. School, money, and medical issues are the blame.

Tara, I am especially sorry I have not been there to "distract" you... I hope you are well. DH, I feel terrible for not having that sketch for Cleo, after all this time! I hope you and your faminals are well also.



I don't know when I will be getting more active here again. Things are rough right now.

Just know that I miss you all, and I'm sending creative/happy/blessing-thoughts your way!

Finally, I'm getting around to posting a new entry...

I got a 3-month subscription today. ^_^

I'm possibly starting school on Wednesday. I'm so excited, but also terrified. It's been so long since I've had much human interaction, and I'm shy with people I don't know well... I get really anxious when I go out, so I know Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I'm going to be too sick to eat... But I can't wait to make friends! I've been so lonely the past year!!! I miss having girl friends to hang out with! I hope I can make some good friends here. Trustworthy friends...

When I'm enrolled, I will start receiving Social Security again, so that will take care of our money problems for now. I will be able to start saving for the future (can we say "Wedding Fund"? ), and fix the Prelude! So there's good news.

I've been trying like a Mad Woman to empty my Message Center/Watch List... I've viewed over 700 deviations in the past three or four days! I still have about that much left, and over 400 journals to read! And still more galleries to check out...

Have been getting to know a new friend here on dA, ~morganasbane. She is insanely in love with Family Guy, and the Dresden Dolls. It's charming. She has a group, ~thatwhichlieshidden. Please check it out! It really needs some members and support!

I got my hair done last Wednesday or Thursday... Cut off much more than I really wanted to. I mean, sure, it looks nice... but... I just can't believe it. I've always been "the girl with the long hair", and now my hair is nothing unusual, so I'm just "a girl"... I feel like I've lost the one thing that was unique and special, the one thing I actually liked about myself. I've spent most of my life with long hair, I just feel lost without it... I don't feel like me. I feel really... naked and ugly, unnatural! (Just the confidence booster I need right before starting school.. ) I guess I'm having an "identity crisis". It's past due, I suppose, since I'm almost not a teenager anymore. It was down to the bottom of my back, and now it's maybe five inches below my collarbone... I'll post pictures soon.

...


Last night I dreamed a lot. I don't remember most of it... The part that stands out is the worst, of course:

I can see my arms, and they are covered in gashes and blood is running everywhere. I've never seen myself bleed like that. I know I caused this, but I can't remember doing it. God, the blood is everywhere, and I'm scared. Somehow I can taste it in my mouth. It feels thicker, richer than the blood on my arms, normal blood. I find it disgusting. There's this overwhelming feeling of detachment, as if I can just press 'rewind' and stop all this, but I'm getting more and more fearful because I can't seem to find the button. My arms are all shades of red and burgundy and skin. I hate this. I wanted this.





...